did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
