I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
