I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
