He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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