at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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