Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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