i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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