The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
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Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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