She said her name was "party"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
