You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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