the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
