This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just lost a toe
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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