I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
