my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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