yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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