my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
