dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Say something about gay babies.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
