i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
