I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
