So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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