I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
