Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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