i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
