can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we're making bets on your personal life
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize