so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
