i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
