My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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