My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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