dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
