it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
