dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
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Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
did i just pee glitter
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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