he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
