Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
