he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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