That's when you crack a 10am beer
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
