I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
