i was born a porn star she said
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
As shirtless as possible
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
