Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
