Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it's like iHOP with fire
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
