If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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