Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
