I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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