Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
