im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Randomize
