yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
