There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
