just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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