oh god the rape fog is back!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize