so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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