I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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