Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
