This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
