I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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