is your mom at the bar?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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