is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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