12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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