uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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