Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
