My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
