So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
